So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
