Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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