Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
