In the future we'll all be gay
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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