I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
