I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
