They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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