Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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