I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
