its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just gift wrapped bread.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
