I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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