I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
