Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
