Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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