if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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