ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
