Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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