the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize