Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize