i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
