Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
