I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
