Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
