I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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