I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
