I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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