Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
