my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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