don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
