Will you blow on my dice?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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