First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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