I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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