i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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