Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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