it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
tonight lets celebrate not being married
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize