Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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