Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
