my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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