Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i love accidental penises.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize