i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
ttyl tear gas
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize