i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
