I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
