sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
