ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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