i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
