the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
