fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
