guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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