my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
