The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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