is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
zippers are such a cool invention
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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