i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
