I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
