The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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