i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize