the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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