She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
