I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
