she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
