this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
