'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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