While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
