she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
