i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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