I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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