So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
