u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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