Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
