OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
