oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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