Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
