i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
whose parrot is this?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
