There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
