Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can you bring me the toilet please
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize