I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
