id be glad to
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
