I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
