He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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