The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
