stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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