i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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