dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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