dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
