dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
