I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
