u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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