8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
