So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
