ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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