dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
