New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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